i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
