Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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