tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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