happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
