No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
