Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
