she woke up with a sticky ear
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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