I've blown a few things in my day
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
