I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
