He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
