She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
