hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
