It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
