she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
