So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Green mimosas i think yes
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
