I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
