He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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