her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
