i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize