We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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