Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
