He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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