I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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