dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
