Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
