Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
