I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
