i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
