i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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