So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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