I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
