I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
