u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
