i need an iv and a liver transplant
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I should be sponsored by Trojan
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm too high and old for this...
do nipples grow back?
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