i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
