I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
