Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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