She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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