His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
