i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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