you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize