He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
