i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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