I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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