Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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