we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Randomize
