Don't make out with my wife yet
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
