Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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