I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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