Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
