At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
