just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
