she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Dicks are not precious.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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