i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
