i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
