Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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