My liver just broke up with me...
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
