Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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