he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
