i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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