i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
