I wish I could teleport
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
