so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
