big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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