worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
